Every time I open Instagram, Snapchat, or any other social media app, it hurts. It makes me feel depressed and completely drains my energy.
I’ve always been humiliated and bullied because of my skin tone, height, skinny body, frizzy hair, acne-ridden face, and financial status. They used to refer to me as “ugly.” They still refer to me as unattractive. I was never able to meet their so-called rich beauty norms.
I’ve been called a stick, lizard, noodle, Kali or Sanvali (black or dusky), and various other names. Yeah! I used to feel sad, but these things never bothered me much as a child until I got older and started using social media.
There, all the mess started. Well, coming from a conservative brown family, I was not allowed to use social media until my Intermediate year, but I still used it. As you know, I was a kid, and there’s always that peer pressure hitting you from behind. And unfortunately, that was the worst mistake of my life—not listening to my parents.
I gradually became addicted to social media; it was so awful that I didn’t stop even after being warned multiple times, and this addiction was worse than any drug. It affected my studies, and my connection with my parents was worsening; they completely stopped believing me.
They finally permitted me to use social media after my intermediate studies, even though I had previously used it without permission.
But the phase at that time was quite complicated for me; I already had a breakup, and my friends also left me. I was abandoned. This entire situation affected my health, and I lost even more weight. I was underweight.
Then there was no turning back; things only got worse. But I was able to repair my relationship with my parents. Another breakup occurred, but this time I was absolutely broken, and guess what? This time, I lost faith in myself.
Every time I open my Instagram, I feel insecure or jealous of the people there, enjoying their lives, having fun with their friends, and how pretty they are, and this never stops.
I started getting depressed all alone; I didn’t have even a single person to talk to. I just started hating myself for everything. My confidence level was so low that I was even insecure about talking to people. I even started saying negative things about myself.
Those beautiful faces, all flawless; their physique; their outfits; the life they live and enjoy—everything made me insecure, and I was becoming upset by it all.
Finally, one fine day, I chose to deactivate my social media accounts and take a break. Well! I must tell you something: I tried this many times previously, but it never worked, but this time was pretty different.
I discovered Medium, a platform where I can express anything on my mind. It’s like the therapy I’ve always needed or the buddy I’ve been looking for.
Let me tell you, I’m still that skinny, ugly girl full of doubts and a lack of confidence. I’m still that broken, depressed, stressed-out girl; the only difference is that I’m no longer alone. Finally, I’m getting better; I’ve found a companion, i.e., Medium.
I’m no longer addicted to social media; instead, I’m addicted to writing. I’m insecure, but I’m no longer obsessed with matching those unnecessary beauty standards.
Since they are only attractive on the outside but, regrettably, ugly on the inside, in that case, I can equal their beauty standards not through my face or physique but through my heart.
